Introduction

Any wholesome relationship is built on effective communication. In order to have a successful relationship, you must be able to communicate your needs, wants, and feelings. However, when a couple is at odds with one another, communication problems are frequently encountered. Here are some ideas to consider if you’re having trouble figuring out how to talk to your partner when things are tense:

Identify the problem.

You and your partner might be in conflict, but the first step to resolving that conflict is to identify what the source of it is. The next step is to be issue-oriented and not person-oriented.

If you’re in a relationship, you know how tense things can get when both people are upset about something. The key is to remember that it’s okay to disagree, but it’s not okay to go into a fight with each other without knowing what the problem really is. If you don’t know what’s bothering your partner, it’s hard for them to tell you what they need from you in order for them to feel better.

Use “I” Statements Instead of Blame

Use “I” comments rather than “you” ones to avoid placing the blame on your partner.

You can communicate your needs, wants, and perceptions without coming out as judgmental or harsh by using “I” phrases. The best course of action when there is a disagreement is to express how you feel and what you need from your partner without placing blame on them. The following instances show how this operates:

• “I feel like you don’t listen to me.”
• “I need you to hear what I’m saying right now.”
• “I feel like we’re drifting apart and it makes me sad.” “I feel upset when you’re late for dinner.”
• “I need you to help me with the wedding arrangements more often so I can get some rest and get my hair done.”
• “When you come home from work, I’d like for us to sit down together and talk about our day before we start cooking dinner.”

Be Open to Your Partner’s Feelings

Being open to your partner’s feelings is a skill that requires both empathy and self-awareness. Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person’s feelings, so when you are in conflict with your partner, it can be helpful to step out of yourself and try to see their position. This may sound like an unachievable task if you feel like they aren’t being rational or fair, but practicing this type of perspective-taking—or taking on their viewpoint for a moment—will help you communicate more effectively with them. Additionally, engaging in shared experiences, such as cooking activities to bond better, can create a relaxed environment that fosters more open communication. By collaborating on something enjoyable and non-confrontational, couples can build a stronger connection, making it easier to approach difficult conversations with empathy. These moments of cooperation outside conflict can help remind you both of the partnership that underlies any disagreement.

Empathy works both ways: you need to be able to put yourself in your partner’s shoes (which requires some degree of trust) while also realizing that there are many things about their experience that remain unknown or misunderstood by you (which means working through those gaps). In order for empathy toward each other’s viewpoints during conflict resolution efforts at home or work, partners must be willing not only to listen attentively but also actively consider what each party has said before offering counterpoints or rebuttals.”

Pick Your Words Carefully

Before you speak, consider your words. When you are angry, avoid making jokes or using sarcasm. In spite of the fact that you probably don’t want to make your spouse feel threatened, refrain from using the words “always” or “never.” Be mindful of your voice tone and any other nonverbal cues that can suggest anger when none exists (e.g., sighing loudly). Try to break up the conversation if you are feeling irritated or furious. Before returning to the conversation, you might wish to take a stroll or practice some deep breathing techniques.

Find the Right Time

Finding the ideal moment to talk to your partner is the next step in the process. This can be difficult, especially if you are going through conflict, but you can make it easier by asking yourself these questions:

• Is there ever a moment when we both feel at peace?
• Are there any children present?
• Aren’t we worn out?
• Are we not thirsty or preoccupied with anything else?

Listen to Understand, Not Respond

If you want to be able to effectively communicate with your partner, you need to listen. When in conflict, listening is especially important because it is a way of understanding what the other person is trying to tell you. When someone talks about their feelings or experiences that were hurtful, there are many things they may not say or do not even realize themselves. If we can understand these unspoken messages, we can better respond to and resolve conflicts before they grow out of hand.

In listening well, it helps if we focus on more than just what our partner says verbally (the words). We also want to consider what they don’t say (the nonverbal cues) and how those affect us emotionally (the tone). This will allow us time for reflection about how their message affects us so that we can use this information efficiently when responding later on during the conversation.

Agree on how to resolve the issue.

Agreeing on how to resolve the issue is key to resolving it. You and your partner should be able to come together and agree on a solution that works for both of you. This is not a one-sided decision; rather, it’s a mutual decision between two people who love each other and want what’s best for their relationship.

This means that both parties must compromise and sacrifice when necessary in order to reach an agreement that works for both of you—and it also means that no one person wins or loses in this situation, but rather moves forward together as a couple.

Be respectful of one another.

Respect for one another is essential for effective communication. When there is a dispute, doing this can be challenging, but it is imperative. Your partner is unlikely to want to hear more from you if you act disrespectfully by stating things like, “I really don’t care what you think,” or “You’re no help at all.”

Respect one another’s emotions. 

When your partner is dissatisfied with you or a scenario, it’s crucial to not just listen but also acknowledge how they feel. Try responding, “I can see why this makes sense in light of what happened earlier today…how does this make YOU feel?” for instance, if they remark, “I feel wounded when you don’t let me know where we stand on anything essential.”

Respect one another’s viewpoints. 

For any relationship to endure over time, we need the other person and their views, regardless of how strongly we disagree with them or their perspective. If your spouse disagrees with something you said before, don’t worry that he or she won’t be interested in continuing the conversation. That’s just how people are. Instead of getting defensive about the issues at hand, concentrate on listening intently and asking questions about what specifically might have led him or her to be so frustrated in order for both sides to receive clarification on them (which only escalates things).

Put the conversation on hold for a while and pick it back up later.

Take a break. This is one of the most crucial things you can do when you’re at odds. Though you’ve probably heard it before, this piece of advice is important. We frequently start arguing and defending ourselves as soon as someone tries to engage us in conversation before giving them a chance to present their perspective. A little gap gives both sides a chance to collect themselves and consider what to say next, which can significantly impact how effective your subsequent discussions are.

Even while fights are inevitable in any close friendship or romantic partnership, there are ways to resolve them.

All issues must be discussed in order to find a solution. Communicating with one another is not just the most effective way to resolve a disagreement, but often the only way. You and your spouse should talk about what’s bothering you instead of trying to seek out solutions on your own or ignoring the issue altogether.

We need to talk about these things without pointing fingers or passing judgment so that we may learn more about one another and improve our relationship. It will be far more difficult to find a solution to whatever problem you’re facing if you can’t talk about it.