Weddings have to be one of the most universally adored events that one can attend. There’s great cause for celebration, including the union being formed between the bride and the groom, the emanation of love upon and between those attending, and the promotion of family-orientated values.

Good times aside, there’s an all-too-common ailment that can inhibit your fun at a wedding, and that’s incontinence. Being the great disruptor that it is, you’ll need to manage this efficiently so you can get the most out of the day. This guide provides tips and ideas to help you with your incontinence on such a special occasion.

But first, what is incontinence?

I know many visitors to this page will be vividly familiar with what incontinence is and its symptoms. If you belong to this category, then feel free to jump ahead to the next section, where we dive into our advice.

Incontinence is the prevalence of uncontrollable bladder or bowel movements. The loss of control over these key bodily functions results in leakages from the penis, vagina, or anus. Sometimes this is only minor—possibly a few drops of urine or the passing of accidental wind—but in more severe cases it can result in a total loss of bladder and bowel functionality. 

Urinary incontinence is the most common form, and most common again in women. The involuntary release of urine has nothing to do with lack of willpower, and more to do with disruptions in the regular functioning of a woman’s body. Things that can cause urinary incontinence in women include childbirth, medical conditions, and aging. 

By some measures, urinary incontinence in men sits at about half the rate of incontinence in women. Some studies find that the prevalence of urinary incontinence in women is about 25-45%, compared to 11-34% in older men. Contributing factors to incontinence in men include old age and prostate disease—both the disease itself and the effects post-surgery. 

Read on for tips to manage incontinence at weddings:

Wear incontinence underwear

One way to combat incontinence at a wedding is to wear incontinence underwear. Incontinence underwear is a relatively new product, but the technology has come a long way. This is because the industry has learned from, and been nurtured by, the more established market of period proof underwear.

Incontinence underwear is an undergarment that has been designed to be reusable, making it more sustainable than disposable alternatives. Incontinence underwear uses moisture-trapping fabrics, and is as discreet as it looks just like regular underwear; companies such as Knix are leading the way in this field.

This is a convenient idea, as there are times during a reception when it is inappropriate to run away to the bathroom. Such times include speeches, vowels, or first dances. Incontinence underwear can provide relief and keep your stress at bay during key moments of the wedding.

Plan a strategy before you arrive

We can probably all agree that when it comes to incontinence, simply “winging it” is the worst possible idea. You’ll need a game plan for the day that factors in a solution to any worst-case scenarios.

As soon as you arrive to the venue, count the bathrooms and identify where they are. Additionally, make sure that you pack an emergency kit which includes a packet of tissues, hand sanitizer, a disposal bag, and possibly a spare change of underwear or clothes. It’s essential that—if you do find yourself in an emergency—you have the tools and resources to fix the situation without anybody noticing.

Have assistance on-hand

Ensure that if you need help, someone’s on call to do exactly that. Arrange with somebody before the event to be that person, and ideally, choose somebody who you think is going to be reliable.

A specific note for brides: going to the bathroom in your large and extravagant dress will be a difficult task. Throwing the fear of incontinence into the equation will only heighten your stress. You’ll need a girlfriend to help you with your dress in the bathroom, so make sure that they’re ready to fulfil their duties throughout the day.

Train your bladder

Planning a wedding is a gargantuan task for the bride and groom, and as a guest with incontinence, you’ll have to do a bit of preparation yourself. If you suffer from incontinence, then training your bladder is a great way to take back control. Setting a goal to have made certain progress by the time of the ceremony could be the motivation and initiative you need to start the process.

Some ways to train your bladder include:

• Scheduling bathroom visits: Use a diary to help determine how frequent your bathroom visits are over the course of a week. Once you find your average—let’s say i’s every hour, try to prolong that time to every hour and 15 minutes. Continue this up to a point where you’ve cut your bathroom trips in half.
• Delaying urination: If you feel like you need to use the bathroom, try to delay it for an extra 5 to 10 minutes. Try to build the length of time that you can hold it for up to about two hours.
• Kegel exercises: Kegel muscles start and stop the flow of urine. If you suffer from incontinence, it’s likely that your Kegel muscles have been weakened. To do Kegel exercises, hold or squeeze the muscles you would normally use to release the flow of urine for five seconds, then release for five seconds, then do it again. Increase this to 10 seconds when you feel that you’re able to. Do these exercises in sets of ten, about four to six times per day. 

Studies have found that in groups of elderly women, bladder training led to a 57% reduction in uncontrolled bladder episodes. Additionally, it was found that the quantity of fluid lost was reduced by 54%. As great as these results sound, if you suffer from chronic incontinence then the steps should be taken in conjunction with advice from your doctor. 

Moderate your liquid intake

Now this is a tricky way to control your incontinence at a wedding. Weddings are a time for celebration, and in the Western world, these celebrations typically include libations (and a lot, at that).

Of course, you’ll want to have a good time, but it’s imperative that you moderate your liquid intake over the course of the day. One way to do this is by drinking an alcohol that has lesser volume. Instead of drinking beer, which is likely to contain the highest volume of liquid, try to drink single shot mix drinks, such as gin and tonic or vodka with lime and soda.

Be mindful of your physical activity (namely dancing)

As with most of this advice, the key to managing incontinence is in your own hands. You’ll have to find a balance between enjoying yourself and making sure that you don’t get too carried away. One area of particular concern is the dance floor.

A wedding is a great time to get your groove on, and show off your moves in celebration of the newly formed union of marriage. The reality is that shaking your bladder and bowels up in this way will surely aggravate your incontinence. Follow the steps below to keep risks to a minimum:

• Make sure that you take regular breaks in-between your boogieing
• Be mindful to make a stop to the bathroom when you’re resting, having already identified their number and locations
• Don’t let people take you to the dance floor against your will. People will inevitably lose their inhibitions as they consume more alcohol, and they might be inclined to pick you up and drag you to the dance floor. Make sure that you have a one-liner planned, such as “no thank you, I don’t feel like dancing right now” so that you can avoid any embarrassment

Incontinence is especially troublesome for those who do sport or partake in physical activity, so this shouldn’t be overlooked. Some studies have found that up to 43% of women have experienced incontinence while engaged in physical activity. So, if doing physical activity in a spontaneous setting, like a wedding dance floor, you should be especially mindful of your incontinence. 

Tip for men: wear a condom throughout the service

A condom is a physical barrier that prohibits the release of bodily fluids to unwanted places. While most commonly used as a contraceptive, it may find new purpose in this instance.

In order to efficiently counter your incontinence with a condom, it might be a good idea to come prepared with a fresh six or ten pack. You’ll likely have to use the bathroom at least a few times during the wedding, and the condom may need to be changed accordingly. You can keep these with your emergency kit of tissues and disposal bags.

One additional note is to try to use odourless condoms. Condoms have a very distinctive smell to them, and if somebody notices this smell on you, they may take it upon themselves to accuse you of having done something inappropriate in the bathroom. It’s best to be discreet if you’d prefer to avoid this unwanted attention.

In conclusion

Incontinence is a pervasive ailment that affects many men and more women. When at a wedding, it can be especially frustrating to manage, as you’d rather focus on enjoying yourself. Some tips include wearing incontinence underwear, planning a strategy at the venue, training your bladder, and regulating your liquid intake and physical activity. If you plan ahead and remain mindful of some or all of these tips, you’ll have a much more pleasant and less stressful day to show for it.