All marriages are stressful. No matter how much you love your partner, how much they love you, how much money you have, or what your family dynamics are like, stress is going to present itself. You’re living and sharing responsibilities with this partner, so even in a nearly perfect set of circumstances, it’s only a matter of time before stressful events emerge and both of you feel some tension.

If you want to remain healthy, happy, and satisfied in your marriage, both of you must find ways to cope with and reduce stress in your marriage. These are some of the best strategies to do it.

Identify and Acknowledge Pain Points

First, it’s your responsibility to identify and acknowledge pain points in the marriage. If you’re feeling stressed, where is that stress coming from? Are there any immediate resolutions you can think of to reduce the stress?

For example, in many marriages, finances are an issue. Individuals within the relationship may disagree about how and when money should be spent – or there may be extra stress as a result of financial hardship. Simply acknowledging this as an issue and treating it with the respect it deserves can be an easy way to reduce stress.

Let’s say you want to buy a new purse, but your spouse thinks it would be a waste of money. One option is to go out and buy whatever purse you want anyway, dismissing your spouse’s feelings on the matter. This may feel good in the moment, but it’s probably only going to escalate whatever financial tensions were already there. Another option is to completely abandon the idea of buying a new purse, letting your spouse have their way. This is also problematic, because it could lead to resentment and more problems in the future.

A more appropriate option would be to talk about the subject openly and honestly. You can explain why you think purchasing a new purse is a good use of money, anticipate your spouse’s objections, and possibly offer a compromise to make the exchange more palatable. Respecting your spouse’s feelings, assuming they’re capable of reciprocating, is a thoughtful and low-stress way forward.

Establish and Respect Boundaries

Both you and your spouse are responsible for establishing your own boundaries. You’re also responsible for respecting the boundaries that your spouse sets. For example, your spouse may hate being touched in a certain way or they may want space when they’re feeling a negative emotion; it’s their responsibility to proactively set these boundaries, and it’s your responsibility to respect them. If both partners are proactively establishing and consistently respecting boundaries, there should be far less stress in the relationship.

The main issue here is usually opening up; you both need to work to create an environment where both parties are comfortable and open enough to share what they’re feeling and thinking.

Create a Mutually Agreeable Balance of Responsibilities

Household responsibilities should be balanced if both spouses are going to be satisfied. Unfortunately, this can be difficult to do, especially in asymmetric relationships. Is it really balanced for one partner to work full time while the other watches the children and takes care of household responsibilities?

The good news is there are no right or wrong answers to these types of dilemmas. What’s important is that you work together to find a balance of responsibilities that you both can be okay with. Consider renegotiating periodically and checking in to ensure both parties remain satisfied.

Designate Both Alone and Together Time

For a successful relationship, both partners need both alone time and together time. Being alone is an opportunity to destress, participate in private hobbies, and sort out your thoughts and feelings. Being together is an opportunity to bond, collaborate, and be intimate with each other. With no alone time, spouses can lose their individual identity or feel more stressed in general. With no together time, you’ll inevitably drift apart. Proactively schedule both alone time and together time to address this.

Be Direct and Respectful in All Communications

It’s a prerequisite that you are direct and respectful in all communications, and that your spouse does the same. Passive aggressiveness and beating around the bush may feel more comfortable to you, but they aren’t exactly helpful in acknowledging or resolving conflicts. Frame everything through the lens of your own personal experience; for example, it’s typically much more effective to say “I feel like there is an imbalance in our responsibilities” than to say “you aren’t doing your fair share.”

Be Willing to Compromise

Compromising isn’t always possible, but when it is, it’s an ideal way to resolve conflicts. Both of you need to be willing to introduce and accept compromises from the other if you’re going to be successful. As a simple example, you can compromise on where to go out to eat by rotating restaurant choice responsibilities.

Let Go of the Past

Finally, be willing to let go of the past. Your spouse has probably frustrated you or wronged you in the past – but you need to be able to move past that if you’re going to succeed.

Reducing stress in a marriage isn’t always easy, especially if the stress has accumulated from years of conflict or external strain. But if you’re willing to make a proactive effort to reduce stress and repair your relationship, you’ll likely find it possible to move forward peacefully.